my confession- and calm below the storm

Sarah Amanda Jones, Watercolor and Ink on Arches Paper. 10 x 8 inches, ©2012

 

Storms- always moving
In these still glass waters, blue’s
making love to green.

 

I have a confession to make:

With total disregard for myself and my own true desires, I’ve been blindly following art-career advice for months now without checking in with what resonates with me.

I’ve been running around in circles, chasing my tail, furiously and unconsciously dotting all my i’s and crossing my t’s to prove that I’m a “serious artist”, not just a “hobbyist”.

Many of the exhibits I’ve shown in have been for the express purpose of adding another line to my resume. And of saying, “Look at me, I’m a serious artist!”

I’ve religiously followed advice in art career books without even stopping to see if it makes sense for me.

Result: I’ve exhausted myself. I’ve felt like I’m faking it. Because I HAVE been faking it. (Doing anything mainly for appearance’s sake = faking it.)

The truth is, I’ve always been most alive when inspiring, guiding, and opening people up to wonder. When my art serves that purpose, I’m being authentic. When it doesn’t, I’m not.

And going through coaching school this year will enable me to give everything I have to give more directly, more personally, than I can ever do through a painting.

Yet my paintings do play a special role: they are a less direct, very gentle way to communicate with you the deep truths I know in my heart so that you can experience them for yourself in your own heart.

From now on, I promise not to try to impress anyone or prove anything with my art. You, me, and my art are all worth way more than that! I’m only going to show and sell my paintings as a natural flow, an easy extension, of my authentic self and mission to heal and inspire.

As for this painting, it’s another re-work of a past throw-away. :) I was imagining how sometimes stormclouds have that dramatic hatching and cross-hatching in the sky with billowing black masses alongside whispy lines.

I again danced on the border of overworking rather than my usual pattern of paint-and-go. It was thrilling, challenging, and a lot of fun. It feels so good to be back 100%! No more perfectionism, just love and flow.

Thank you for reading! I hope you’ve gotten some clarity for your own life out of me sharing mine.

Do you feel like you’ve been faking it with your own career, relationships, spirituality, etc?

It feels so ugly and confusing in the thick of it, but in a moment of clarity, the burden can be lifted right off!

Feel free to reach out to me and share your experience. I’d love to talk about it with you.

Love!!
Sarah

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